WOW, folks. “THIS,” realization HIT me hard… RIGHT UPSIDE THE HEAD!!! DOUBLE WOW, WOW!!!
I can remember thinking “THIS”… on the trip to NYC with my daughter, Danielle. I quickly pushed the thought right out of my mind, though. UNTIL… “IT” just reappeared during my response to a reader’s comment. A simple joke regarding my… “flightiness” has reared that ugly thought back to my consciousness. Ready? Here we go…
“PRIDE”. Boy, don’t we ALL want to be taken “seriously”? Kinda-like we, somehow, “matter”? “I”… AM WORTHY! “I’VE”…GOT IT TOGETHER!!! Perhaps there are individuals we hope to impress, but… end-up doing the “OPPOSITE”!!! “I”… AM FAMOUS… around my inner circle… for being “flighty”. Forgetting things. Getting “lost” in my own mind. Getting “lost” in public… OUT THERE…SOMEWHERE…ANYWHERE!!! Not being able to find things…right in front of my face! The list goes on!!! I finally admitted “THE TRUTH,” mostly to myself, at the Jacksonville Airport before boarding the flight to NYC last Wed., 6/18/14…
“I”… AM HEAD-INJURED. Yep, back to that car accident again… 11/16/86. I have tried so, so hard to “HIDE” my disabilities from EVERYONE. WHY? “I”… felt embarrassed. Ashamed. DEPRESSED. You name it, I felt it. The “PHYSICAL” injuries sustained in that accident put an “OUTWARD,” obvious awareness that “SOMETHING”… WAS WRONG. “DENIAL,” however, was nothing new to me.
I had been a victim of childhood abuse. The depth of emotional and psychological injuries were on-going secondary to specific violations that occurred MANY, MANY years ago. I did, however, deny “THAT” until God decided that “IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO FACE REALITY,” around age 43. I still struggle with the sadness of ALL those “LOST” years. Such a LONG sentence of “denial” placed upon me that disallowed my reckoning with a past that negatively tainted so very much of my life. I am certain that Satan had instilled such hate and anger within me that denied God full entrance into my heart and soul. MY God IS GREAT, however. GOD FINALLY CAPTURED MY FULL ATTENTION!!! “I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. No turning back.” And I thank God for bringing me to Beth Moore’s bible study, “Breaking Free”. I am on my way, folks. God is Good. GOD IS GREAT!!!
So, this trip to NYC allowed me to take, yet, another “look” at myself. I can finally admit that I am head-injured. I HAVE been(head-injured) for much of my life, whether it be the emotional/psychological injury from the abuse or the physical injury sustained in the car accident.
“THIS” realization, “I’ve been head-injured most of my life,” has been difficult to accept. WHY? Everyone around me… has suffered because of it. My siblings. My first husband. My second, and last, husband. My children. My co-workers, etc.
NYC… yep… made me face the reality of my deficits. My daughter, Danielle, suffered tremendously. Starting at 4:30 am-ish Wed., 6/18/14 as we raced to get to the airport on time and I “LOST” the car keys. And it continued as she assumed the adult leadership role concerning… mapping our way through the city. I would have gotten us so, So, SOOOooo “LOST” numerous times!!! “SHE”(Danielle), however… did not allow me to get “LOST” in NYC, ALTHOUGH I TRIED!!! (Perhaps I will share another story, or two, regarding my… “flightiness” 😉 in NYC… LATER!!! )
It has been a long and difficult road for me to get where I am today. I tried to “deny” so many realities for the majority of my life. “IT IS WHAT IT IS,” folks. Identify your “ISSUES” and deal with them appropriately. Anger. Deceit. Rage. Anything causing a negative action or reaction towards others is… “WRONG”. We “KNOW” this, don’t we? Negative feelings make us uncomfortable and people with “issues” tend to respond to those negative feelings… NEGATIVELY! We may not like it, BUT…“IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!” Identifying our issues. Facing them. And dealing with them appropriately are mandatory in order to move forward in a manner that allows us to live life as God intended. P.H.P., folks. “People Helping People”… as we all struggle to survive “LIFE”.
Please give the BEST of yourself for “JUST” today… “EVERY” day!!!
GO TEAM. WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!!
ALL GLORY BE TO GOD!!! AMEN.