Daily Archives: May 9, 2014

“BREAKING FREE”…

A Bible Study by Beth Moore… WOW!!!  DOUBLE WOW, WOW!!!  Breaking free from the yokes that enslave us.  We are currently in Week 7 of this bible study course at Anastasia Baptist Church here in St. Augustine, FL.  What a journey this has been!!!  I, simply, cannot explain the inner turmoil “THIS” roller-coaster ride has stirred-up within me!!!

Satan.  God.  The fight continues within me… DAILY!!!  You are NOT gonna believe this folks.  I can hardly believe it myself.  Please join me as we take another journey to “Jill’s World”… TOGETHER!!!  😉

This Bible Study, “Breaking Free”, has touched my inner being to the core.  I cannot explain it, folks.  The craziest thing happened to me during weeks 5 and 6.  Week #5, Day 1“Straight to the Heart”.  I completed this day’s study at home early that week.  Bible class is on Monday evenings from 7-9 pm, so I usually begin actual course work on Tuesday.  We have 5 lessons to complete each week regarding a specific “study” topic, or area.  Week #5, Day 1 was “Straight to the Heart”.  Folks, anxiety built within me that entire week as I was, COMPLETELY, unable to even open my study guide or Bible at all after Day 1!!!  I got so frustrated with myself.  My heart raced.  My head “SWAM,” in that very familiar drunken sensation.  I felt… “nervous” as I tend to be a bit… “AN_L” when it comes to completing homework!!!  I COULD NOT, however, even start Day 2’s lesson of Week 5.  I DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT WAS REGARDING, however… I was completely unable to even open my study guide… PERIOD… for the remainder of the week!!!

So, I go to class the following Monday to discuss that week’s lesson which I was unable to complete…for “SOME” reason.  HA!!!  DOUBLE HA, HA!!!  I sat, completely stunned, the entire class…unable to say ANYTHING!!!  Day 2’s lesson???  “Hearts Broken in Childhood!!!”  This is the lesson that began my 2 week-period of… “paralysis,” my inability to even open that study guide OR my Bible!!!  WOW!!!  DOUBLE WOW, WOW!!!  “Hearts Broken in Childhood!!!”  OMG, folks.  My heart had, truly and completely, been broken in childhood.  Why so much turmoil within myself about even doing the study that I had no idea exactly “where” it was going???  I had NO idea that Day 2’s study addressed:  “Hearts Broken in Childhood”.  I don’t think!!!  Had I, subconsciously, scanned ahead?  Unaware that my mind had “peeked” at what was coming?  I don’t think so, but my resistance to doing that Bible study was so, SO REAL!!!  SATAN… at work…trying to STOP me from “Breaking Free”!!!

Week #6:  “Beauty from Ashes”.  My studies that week were, again, abruptly halted after Day 1!  Not completing homework assignments is devastating to me!!!  It was actually harder “ON” me to NOT do the work than it would have been to just do it and get it done!!!  I, seriously, beat myself up over that!!!  Week 7 is going smoothly.  I have, eagerly, completed up to Day 4 of the lessons this week and have 3 days left to finish the final lesson before class, Monday night.  Trusting God is the main thing I am taking away from this week’s study.  “IT” feels sooooo good…to “TRUST”!!!

So, what have I learned?  I am definitely on a spiritual journey, folks.  I may not, however, be ready to “Break Free”… TOTALLY!!!  I am a work in progress.  And I am… “IN IT TO WIN IT”!!!  This journey of mine will never end as I plan to keep on walking  with… AND FOLLOWING… JESUS!!!

P.H.P., folks!!!  People Helping People!!!

GO TEAM!!!  WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!!

ALL GLORY BE TO GOD!!!  AMEN.

 

LIVING LIFE…

OR LIVING A SLOW DEATH???  WOW!!!  Not real sure where this idea came from or where it will take us, but here we go…

How would you answer that question?  Do you think you’re “LIVING LIFE”?  REALLY LIVING???  Or are you simply “LIVING A SLOW DEATH”?  How do you know?  And what does it mean to be living a slow death, anyways?   WOW, folks!!!  DOUBLE WOW, WOW!!!

I, truly, believe that everything takes on its own meaning to each of us.  We are unique individuals with unique experiences.  EVERYTHING… means something uniquely specific, depending on who you speak to.  We are who we are based on where we’ve been and how we’ve responded to situations while simply seeking to survive… “LIFE”.  That’s it, folks.  Simple, right?  WRONG!!!  “LIFE”…is ANYTHING B-U-T “SIMPLE”!!!  It’s difficult, folks!!!  Life is difficult for everybody… EVERYWHERE!!!

“LIVING A SLOW DEATH” … is what I did for 43 years of my life.  Always in HIGH GEAR, TOP SPEED… hurry, Hurry, HURRY-UP and go, Go, GO!!!  Anxiety drove me… “CRAZY”.  EVERYTHING “MEANT” SOMETHING!!!  Think, Think, THINK!!!  My life was total chaos!!!  I had certainly been living a slow, Slow, SLOW death.  I, definitely had not “LIVED” LIFE…AT ALL!!!  EVERYTHING MEANT SOMETHING!!!  And my warped mind tried to figure everything out… ALL BY ITSELF…ALONE!!!  In a place called…

“Jill’s World”… is a real… “PLACE,” folks.  I go there, frequently.  I often get “LOST” there, needing intervention to draw me back to reality.  I must admit that my mental state often stirs fear within me…for just a second.  I, truly, have been blessed with a sense of PEACE regarding EVERY detail of my life from childhood to now…soon to be 50!!!  The end result of the psychological, emotional, and physical trauma I sustained in childhood and young adulthood remains to be seen.  “IT IS WHAT IT IS,” right???  God is in the driver’s seat.  I am simply along for the ride.

I feel so very BLESSED to report that I am currently… “LIVING LIFE” …FINALLY!!!  AND…IT FEELS SO GOOD!!!  “LIFE” … is meant to be good, folks.  Even though there will surely be “BAD,” or difficult, times.  Please look for the “GOOD” in every situation.  IT IS SURELY THERE!!!  CAN YOU FIND IT?

I encourage you to stop and consider whether you are, in fact, living life OR living a slow death?   Tough, tough question.   I hope you will be able to answer honestly as this will propel you further on “YOUR” journey through “LIFE” …in the “RIGHT” direction.  😉

GO TEAM!!!  WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!  AND MAY GOD BLESS THE WHOLE-WIDE WORLD!!!  AMEN.