Wanting to share more about my emotional instability back in the 90’s… I am ashamed of this, folks. I hope, however, to help others identify “unhealthy” behaviors, prompting them to get help before it’s too late.
Chris and I still re-call the difficult days of our relationship. Problems first appeared in the Fall of 1993 as we began dating and they continued into our 11th year of marriage. I can remember rushing around… ALWAYS… seeking to be home as much as possible. I was OBSESSED. I had to be home with Chris… EVERY MINUTE… to “GUARD” him ( Ssshhh…I think I thought he was my “property”). I just couldn’t allow anyone or anything to capture any of his time or attention. So I made certain to be home as much as possible. ANXIETY… drove me… “CRAZY”!!! Rushing here. Rushing there. Rushing, rushing EVERYWHERE… in order to be home so that I could “GUARD” my property (Chris). That was such a big part of my life, EVERY DAY! I raced around like a crazy woman, pretending to be… “NORMAL”.
I was so jealous of everything!!! Family, friends, associates, pets, work, sports, etc. ANYTHING that could possibly take Chris’ time or attention AWAY from “ME”!!! My “ISSUES” dealt with trust, insecurities, and anger. EXPLOSIVE combination!!! Chris…was not “safe” in a relationship with me. Nobody was.
Hhhmmm… It’s hard to examine yourself, identify deficiencies or problems in a manner that allows you to actively seek the “HELP” needed. In the above paragraph, I KNOW that I sound exactly like those mentally ill individuals who think: “If I can’t have you, NOBODY can”!!! CRAZY, huh? Oh, yeah. It scares me to realize how mentally ill I had been. Yet, I functioned within society…almost “NORMALLY”. I lived in constant chaos…within my own mind. That “LINE”… between sanity and insanity… is very, Very, VERY THIN. I shudder to think how many times I crossed over to that insanity side… on a DAILY basis!!!
Life is DIFFICULT for ALL of us, folks. Everyone. EVERYONE… has a plate of crap they’re trying to juggle. Each and EVERY day!!!. Doing the BEST they can, simply seeking to survive… “LIFE”. Remember to give the best of yourself for “JUST” today… “EVERY” day!!!
P.H.P., folks. People Helping People.
GO TEAM!!! WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!!
All…I Mean “ALL”…GLORY BE TO GOD. AMEN.