When I finally met with Pastor West, in a last-ditch effort to “make sense” of my latest bout with “craziness,” I can remember feeling such a huge sense of “RELIEF”. I had always been aware of God’s insertion of Himself into my life at specific, pivotal points. I was learning so much from Pastor West.
I can remember confiding in him that I had not been sleeping or eating much. The “ideas” or “thoughts” were just flooding my brain at times. I had numerous pages of thoughts scribbled on the fronts and backs of numerous sheets of paper.
I commented to Pastor West how I didn’t like it when things slowed down which, I believed, meant that my “vision” would fade, yet again, into “NOTHING”. Walter questioned my need to be in pain to feel as though accomplishments were being made toward my desired destination. I had to chuckle at this. I, truly, needed to “suffer” in order to feel successful. The not sleeping, not eating had a huge impact on my job performance initially. I was “sick” tired all the time at work. I couldn’t think straight. My professional judgment was impaired dramatically. I “NEEDED,” however, to feel badly in order to feel committed to this project. Makes no sense, huh?
I never figured out “why” I felt as though I needed to be uncomfortable in order to believe in MYSELF…I STILL DON’T KNOW. But I will tell you this: I believe that there are MANY, MANY people out there who, also, believe that they need to be suffering…for something…??? This is NOT true, folks. I now try to make sure that I am doing everything I can to sustain me through this current venture, functioning at my optimal performance level. Wherever it leads me! I WILL FOLLOW…
God loves all of us! SO VERY,VERY MUCH!!! Jesus suffered. GREATLY!!! To pay for our sins!!! So that we would not have to…SUFFER!!! Please don’t make yourself suffer, folks. LIFE IS SO VERY, VERY DIFFICULT. God is waiting to hear from you. He wants to be your hero. Please… allow yourself to accept… ALL HE HAS TO OFFER YOU!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!!
All glory be to God. Amen.
GO TEAM!!! WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!!