Daily Archives: January 9, 2014

“SECRETS”…CAN BE “BAD”…con’t

FAMILY SECRETS:  Part II

SSShhh…

SECRET………SECRET……….SECRET……….

Just a quick prayer before continuing…”Guide me, Heavenly Father.  Please help me to find the right words…Amen.”

As a child molested by a close relative, I choose to broaden the scope of this post to include all forms of child abuse.  Sexual, physical, psychological, etc…EVERYTHING!!!  Children NEED a safe, loving environment to grow up in.  IF you are unable to provide that, then SOMETHING…IS WRONG!!!

Growing up in a family that lived in the same house, but yet…lived completely separate lives.  I don’t know how to explain it.  It’s like we were ALL “there” together, but it didn’t seem like we were ever in the “SAME” place.  Each of us living…surviving, however possible, in our own separate worlds…ALONE.

Decades and decades…NO…perhaps “generations”… of family dysfunction…ALL due to the development of negative coping techniques designed to allow for… “SURVIVAL”!!!  Many of these negative coping techniques can be developed pretty early in life if significant trauma occurs that children cannot mentally process correctly.  Certain things are either “RIGHT” or “WRONG”!!!  And children have that inner awareness when “something is wrong”.  Those “wrongs” done to children can have devastating consequences for…???  Who knows how long…possibly forever.

“Signs” of family dysfunction have surely been visible for ALL to “see,” but yet it continues.  Why???  This takes me back to…you guessed it… “DENIAL,”   which was a previous post, published on 12/21/13.  I invite you to visit that post if you “missed” it.  That post dealt with individuals denying their own, personal pain/trauma.  Other individuals, however, may also be aware of, or suspect abuse, yet “deny” it as well. 

I have a certain degree of compassion for people with “issues” (WE ALL HAVE THEM)… UNTIL… help has been offered…and refused!!!  So, so many people don’t even realize that they HAVE a plate of crap, let alone that they carry it around, EVERYWHERE they go… AFFECTING EVERYTHING THEY DO AND SAY!!!  I am serious.  And  people’s  reactions, or physiological responses, are automatic to certain “triggers”.  People can go from one emotion to the extreme opposite in no time at all.  It’s Automatic.  It’s Survival.  It’s a coping technique.  I am learning that you can lead a horse to water, BUT you CAN’T MAKE IT DRINK!!!  I will NEVER, however, quit trying!!!

I would hope that people begin to deal with their “issues” during adulthood.  Many adults and even young individuals are often “forced” into situations of getting help when they don’t EVEN want it.  Others continue living while “denying” that they even have “issues”.  And still others, yet…spend years “looking”…

As people, we tend to “know” when “something” is “wrong”.  And if you know it’s wrong…DON’T DO IT!!!  Especially if it involves harming others.  And if anyone has  uncontrollable urges to hurt others…PLEASE GET HELP.  There is absolutely no shame in seeking help if that help is designed to “help”  yourself in order to protect others.

When bad things HAVE happened to a family, no one seems to notice when “other” bad things happen.  All families try to keep their dirty laundry hidden from view, don’t they?  This occurs frequently.  People are either too proud…or too ashamed…to admit  that anything’s wrong.  Who suffers from this?  And who benefits?  Everybody suffers, right?  EVERYBODY.  NOONE BENEFITS…PERIOD!!!

AND…WHY???  I choose to believe it’s all part of the “grand scheme”.  Part of… “THE PLAN”.  We all have our own personalized plates of crap.  We each choose how to respond to things.  Where will you look for guidance.  Who or what will you turn to?  God is waiting to hear from you.  He wants to be your hero.  HE…IS…THE…WAY!!!

In closing, we each are responsible for dealing with our plate of crap in a manner that makes us a beneficial member to the teams of which we belong!!!  SUCCESS…right?  That’s what we all want.

ALL GLORY BE TO GOD!!!  AMEN!!!

GO TEAM!!!  WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!!