Daily Archives: October 16, 2013


Winning versus losing:

Let’s first examine what it means to win.  We all would rather win, right?  This gives us a sense of pride, accomplishment.  Winning means that you’re better.  Your skill exceeds that of your opponent.  Your hard work and determination has paid off.  Winning makes you feel good.

And what about losing?  Nobody wants to lose, right?  Of course not!  To be “defeated,” at anything, is not fun.  This, generally, causes one to feel negative emotions, such as sadness or anger.  Your opponent was better, THIS time.  Or at least they came out on top, for whatever reason.  We can all agree that losing does not feel good, right?

The above may be true in a competitive situation, like a sports event, election, contest, etc.  Anything where a “winner” and “loser” is determined.  But what about those non-competitive events that happen in our daily lives, such as disagreements or arguments with teammates including family members, friends, neighbors, or co-workers?   And what about strangers, or community teammates?  In extreme cases, severe injury or even death can occur.  There are no winners in these instances.  Everybody loses.

In the more common trivial episodes, as well, “winning” can actually mean that you have “lost,” in the long run.  Who wins an argument or disagreement, anyways?  And how is the winner decided?  Generally, someone concedes in an attempt to extinguish the argument, thus accepting defeat gracefully.  The “winning” party may feel vindicated, however this “win” proves nothing .   And what about the  lasting impact this has on the relationship?  Resentment often lingers, thereby ensuring that this relationship will never be extended beyond team parameters.

“Winning” used to be very important to me.  I could argue and argue, trying to prove that black was white.  And I would NEVER give-up.  I “needed” conflict to vent the anger I felt which had nothing to do with the disagreements I often got involved in.  Think about that, folks.  Think hard.  If you truly believe that there is no such thing as “little stuff” to sweat and that EVERYTHING does matter, then it is my belief that you may have “issues,” as I refer to them.  Unresolved “issues.”